Discovering Me
by lovescandal1
Summary: Olivia and Fitz have been dating for 10 years. They've been through everything together. With college graduation on the rise, emotions are heavy and life is beginning to smack them both in the face, as they try to figure out who they are and what they want. Disclaimer: This is a work of Fan Fiction using characters from the 'Scandal' world, which is trademarked by Shonda Rhimes
1. First Crush

**A/N: Hi ! So this is my new story! Yay! **** for those of you who were reading Pope-Grant Twins. Let me apologize for the confusion today. I have decided that I will continue the story. However I want to read it with a fresh pair of eyes and see if I would like to change some things. So Payton and Noelle will be back, just at a later date. I promise no later than Christmas Day! I Hope you enjoy this new story ! **

_**No one ever made me feel this way**_

_**I lost myself in you from the very first day**_

_**Now I'm left feeling so confused**_

_**What am I gonna do**_

_-Olivia "Where Do I Go From Here"_

"_Mom! Come on before I miss the bus!" 11 year old Olivia yelled upstairs to her mom._

_Today was the first day of the summer and Olivia couldn't wait to get on the bus to go to overnight camp. It was the first summer her mom actually allowed her to go. She had been begging to go ever since her cousin Harrison went when he turned ten. He was two years older than her but when it came to their relationship, age meant nothing. They were thick as thieves and that wasn't changing any time soon. _

"_Livy sweetie, stop screaming! Your father just came in from work" whispered Carolyn _

"_Sorry mom. Can we go now?" Olivia whispered excitedly_

"_Yes. Let me just grab my purse. Go upstairs and say goodbye to your daddy." Carolyn answered_

"_Okay mommy!" Olivia replied as she ran upstairs. She was a true daddy's girl. No matter how much he worked, he always made sure he saw his little girl and talked to her once a day. Whether it was coming to her school to say good night if he knew he would be home late or if it was taking her to school in the morning. Joseph Pope made sure he made time for his little girl. _

"_Daddy! Daddy, wake up , I have to leave!" Olivia whined as she rocked her father trying to wake him up_

"_Ladybug" her father whispered_

"_Yes, Daddy it's me. I'm leaving for camp today!"_

_Joseph sat up wiping his eyes out so he could say goodbye to his daughter. He couldn't believe how big his Ladybug had grown. He remembered cutting the cord and the day he and his Carrie brought her home. He loved his little girl with everything he had. _

"_You're leaving me for the whole summer?" Joseph said as he picked his little girl up and put her on his lap. He always told her she would never be too old to sit on his lap_

"_I'll be back daddy!" Olivia giggled as he father lifted her into his lap_

"_Yea, but what am I supposed to do without my Ladybug? Who's going to go get ice cream with me, and talk the entire movie and eat all the popcorn?" Joseph said in a faux sad voice_

"_Daddy, mommy can go get ice cream" Olivia said. Sometimes her daddy was so silly but she adored him. _

"_Olivia, you have to go!" Carrie yelled from the bottom of the steps_

"_Coming" Olivia screamed from down stairs_

"_Okay. Ladybug, give me a big hug and a kiss so you can go" Joseph said as he opened his arms_

"_Okay Daddy" Olivia said as she fell into her daddies arms and gave him a huge hug and a kiss on the cheek_

"_Bye Daddy!" Olivia said as she began to get off the bed_

"_Olivia" Joseph said he she reached to open the door_

"_Yes Daddy?" Olivia said sweetly_

"_I love you to pieces ladybug" Joseph said_

"_I love you too daddy. To the moon and back!" Olivia said as he walked out the door_

"_Liv!" Harrison screamed! He was standing outside with his best friend Huck waiting for the bus to come to take them all to camp_

"_Harry!" Olivia yelled as she ran over to him. She absolutely loved her big cousin, he was like the big brother she never had. _

"_Hi Aunt Carrie!" Harrison said as he watches his aunt and little cousin walk over to him and his friend_

"_Hi Harrison" Carolyn replied as she pulled her brother son into a hug_

"_So are you all ready to go?" Carolyn asked her nephew_

"_Yup! I even have some snacks for the bus!" he said grinning_

"_Hey, Aunt Carrie, this is my friend Huck! He goes to camp every year!" Harrison stated. He was always a talker so it was not shock that Harrison already had a best friend at the camp_

"_Huck, this is my Aunt Carrie, and my cousin Liv!" Harrison stated _

"_Hi." Huck said somberly_

"_Hi!" Olivia said extending her hand!_

_After a few more minutes of talking, the bus arrived and Olivia, Huck and Harrison all boarded the bus. As they sat down in their seats, of course Olivia wanted to sit next to the weekend, so Harrison sat on the outside and Huck sat in the next seat over. Olivia thought the ride to camp was so much fun; they sang songs told stories and had such a fun time. _

_It was about 1pm when they finally arrived at the Camp Lakota. Olivia was in awe of everything! It was so cool. She couldn't wait to meet her camp counselor and her bunk mate. As she wanted into her designated cabin she looked around for her name, as she walked over to the wall that had her name on it she saw a girl with pretty red hair. _

"_Hi, I'm Olivia" Olivia said as she stood next to the girl_

"_Hi, I'm Abby" Abby replied_

"_This is my first time here, is this your friend time?" Abby said_

"_This is my first time too, but my cousin Harrison has been here twice!" Olivia said. She usually didn't like meeting new people but she was so excited to be at camp that she couldn't wait to make new friends_

_The rest of the day Olivia and Abby stuck together. They helped each other unpack and make up their beds. At 5pm everybody went to dinner. Olivia couldn't wait to see her cousin and introduce him to her new friend Abby._

"_Harry! Olivia called from across the dining hall" _

"_Harry over here!"_

_Harrison saw Olivia standing next to some red head girl. Usually he would tell her not to yell his name like that especially calling him Harry but he knew she was excited to be at camp so he wouldn't yell at her. But they would have a talk about it later. _

"_Harry, this is my new friend Abby!" Olivia said_

"_Hi Abby, I'm Harrison." _

"_Hi Harrison"_

"_This is my friend Huck!"_

"_Hi" Abby replied._

_They all sat down to get ready to sing the camp dinner song and have their table competition before they could get up to eat, as they sat there patiently, Olivia said a tall skin, with brown curly hair out of the corner of her eye. _

"_Harry, who's that boy" Olivia asked. There was something about him that interested her. _

"_His names Fitz! He's in my cabin. Why?" Harrison said rolling his eyes. He and Fitz had been attending the camp together for the past two years. He never really talked to him but there was something about him that just didn't sit well with him, really Harrison was just upset because every time they played wall ball Fitz always got him out. _

"_No reason just asking" Olivia replied, while thinking,_ _I think I found my first crush ever!_

"So, Olivia you've known Fitz basically your entire adolescent and adult life. How does it feel when he says that he doesn't know who you are anymore?" the therapist said as she sat across from Olivia and Fitz. It was there second time meeting with Dr. Smith, their couples therapist and today they were discussing the origin of their problems. They felt like they were growing apart.

* * *

**There is the first chapter ! Tell me what you think! Just make sure to keep it respectful! Thanks for reading !**


	2. I Know You

**A/N: I feel bad only posting one chapter so here's chapter 2!**

_**Do You Remember**_

_**How We Used To Talk**_

_**(Ya Know)**_

_**We'd Stay On The Phone**_

_**At Night Till Dawn**_

_**Do You Remember**_

_**All The Things We Said Like**_

_**I Love You So**_

_**I'll Never Let You Go**_

_**Michael Jackson "Do You Remember the Time"**_

After their appointment it's safe to say emotions where running high. Olivia's heart was literally broken in two as she heard Fitz tell Dr. Smith that he felt, what landed them in her office in the first place was because he didn't know who she was anymore. When asked the same question Olivia responded saying she was unsure.

The ride back to campus was the quietest it's ever been in Fitz new sports car since the day he brought it back to school from home. Fitz tried talking to her but she just continued to stare out of the window. When they got back to their apartment they both walked in and went to their places of solidarity. For Fitz, it was the living room couch with is feet up and ESPN playing while he did homework. For Olivia, it was their bedroom; she walked into the room and lay down on the bed, not worrying about getting under the covers. She wasn't tired at all but she was distraught. Had she really caused this much of a rift in her relationship for something that she wasn't even sure was going to happen?

After about an hour, Fitz felt that he had given Olivia enough time to sort out her thoughts. He wasn't going to keep going to therapy just to see her fall apart after every session. He walked into the bedroom and slide himself behind her.

"Livvie" he whispered in her ear

After about three minutes she finally responded in the same hushed tone

"Do you really not know who I am anymore?" her voice beginning to crack as she got the words out.

She and Fitz had known each other since she was 11 and he was 12 but it's safe to say their hearts have known each other way before then.

Fitz didn't know what to say. He didn't know if anything could change how she felt at the moment so he did the only thing he thought would bring her out of this funky mood. He got out of the bed and went around standing in front of her. "C'mere" he said as he held out his hand

Olivia reluctantly got up out of the bed. She knew he was trying to help her but she really didn't want his help. Seeing the reluctance in her eyes he said, "Livvie, come. I want to show you something"

Fitz pulled Olivia in the living room and reached under to TV stand and pulled out a red book with words jumbled all over it. "Fitz" Olivia said hesitantly

Pulling her to the couch and sitting her in his lap, he laid the book on her lap and began to open it going through each page with her.

"And this, do you remember when you were 13 and I was 14 and we came back to camp that summer and I had blonde hair because Jake dared me to die my hair blonde? Look at you in the background! You didn't talk to me for a week, and I know it wasn't because you were mad at me about the hair, it was because you hated that I was dumb enough to let Jake convince me to do it" he said while laughing. She smiled slightly remembering the day they all returned to camp and she was looking for Fitz and she didn't recognize him.

Fitz kept flipping through the pages; he burst out laughing as he looked at the picture of he and Olivia the second year at camp after they admitted they liked each other and Jake told them they had to kiss if they were serious. They both puckered their lips and touched really fast before turning their head and wiping their mouth. Olivia began to relax on his lap as he showed her pictures from their camp experience. Fitz kept going enjoying the change to reminisce over things with her

"How about his one Liv? Do you remember when this one was taken?" Fitz asked looking at her

Olivia blushed looking at the picture, it was the day of the talent show at camp and she an Abby were going to do a dance that they choreographed but Olivia got nervous and decided that she didn't want to do it anymore so she sat back stage and pouted the entire time. She didn't start smiling until she saw that Fitz picked her some white roses from the garden on the grounds that they weren't supposed to go into.

He got in so much trouble but he didn't care as long as his Livvie was happy again.

"Fitz, why are you showing me this." While it was a nice gesture. She didn't understand why he was doing this.

"Livvie, baby I'm showing you this to say, I do know you baby, I know what makes you laugh, I know what makes you upset, I know when your annoyed, I know what I need to keep my distance" he said slightly laughing

"Livvie baby I know you. I guess I just get afraid that if we don't go to school in at least the same town and I won't get to have all of these fun, exciting, scary moments with you and that scares me baby" Fitz said looking into her eyes

"The idea that I could miss out on any aspect of your life terrifies me. Livvie you're all I know. Ever since that day in the dining hall when our eyes met you have been all I know, mind, body and soul" Fitz continued

"Fitz, I know. But don't you think it frightens me too that I could miss anything important in your life? We've been two peas in a pod since that day at camp. But Fitz that why I want to go to another place. Fitz I want to know who I am without you. I know who I am with you, I've probably known that longer than I've known anything but baby I need to do this for me." Olivia said as tears began to form in her eyes. She hid her head in Fitz shirt as tears rolled down her face

"Ssshhhh" Fitz said as he rubbed her back up and down.

This whole thing was crazy. The idea that they would be graduating in less than 6 months scared them both to death. And with Fitz going to Med school and Liv going to Law school, they both knew the time would come when they would have to begin applying but ever since that night when they realized they weren't applying to schools in the same state or city, there entire world had been falling apart.

* * *

_It was about a month ago. They were sitting on the couch. Olivia on one side, Fitz on the other with her feet him his lap and both of their heads grossly staring at their laptops. _

"_So, if we go to Connecticut. I can go to Yale med school and you can go to law school there too. That way we can just got an apartment together" Fitz said not looking up from his computer_

_After about a minute of silence coming from Olivia, he looked up to see Olivia, intensely looking at her computer_

"_Liv"_

"_Huh"_

"_Liv, did you hear what I said."_

"_Yea, I heard you" She said not looking up from her computer. She had been thinking about this for a while now but she just didn't know how to tell Fitz. She didn't want to go to the same school with him for graduate school. Actually she didn't even want to be in the same state as him. She wanted to experience something new. She has done everything with Fitz in mind from the moment they met; she wanted to get to know herself. It wasn't like she didn't love him. She adored him she just wanted to experience life on her own. _

_Getting aggravated with her, he pulled the laptop out of her lap to see what she was looking at. Thinking that she was online shopping or something he looked at her laptop to see that she was actually filling out an application for Columbia Law._

"_Liv, what's this?" Fitz asked afraid of the answer he may receive_

"_Fitz, baby. I didn't want you to find out like this. Let's talk about this later" She said hoping he would just stop now_

"_No Liv! We never talked about New York or Columbia, why are you filling out their application?" Fitz asked. He was getting angry_

"_Fitz, because I want to go to Columbia. I don't want to go to Yale. I also want to try something new. I want to go to school alone Fitz." Looking at his face she knew she needed to keep talking_

"_Don't you want to go to school by yourself too? Experience life without little old me always tagging along?" Olivia asked hoping he would see things from her perspective_

"_No Liv, I don't. I don't want to spend a day away from you. I want you tagging along as you say it." He said as he got up angrily and left out of the living room going into the bedroom. A few second later he came out with his book bag on his back and his jacket on_

"_Fitz, where are you going" she asked scared that he was leaving_

"_I'm going to experience something new by myself." He said sarcastically throwing her words back in her face_

_He slammed the door shut before she could answer._

* * *

Ever since that night, every time the topic of graduate school came up. The air got tense and if one of them didn't walk away an argument was bound to happen.

After realizing that she had stopped crying. He looked down at her kissing her on the forehead as he picked her up to take her to bed. He undressed her and laid her on the bed pulling the covers over her sleeping body. He then undressed himself and slipped into the bed, he kissed in head again whispering "I do know you Liv. I'll always know you"

He then laid his head down on his pillow while spooning her from the back and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**So who thinks Olivia is valid in her feelings? Should they experience live with beyond each other? Tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!**


	3. Driving Force

**A/N: Hi! So I Know I Usually update Frequently but with the holidays around the corner and me working during the day I've been all over the place! So I apologize for such a late update. I didn't really liked this chapter but tell me what you think. Thanks for reading! : )**

_**Usually when two people are together for a long time**_

_**Things seem to change**_

_**It's been said nothing good lasts forever but this love gets better every day,**_

_**We get all excited inside every time that we get alone,**_

_**He still got love in his eyes, and I still got love in my soul**_

_**-Tamia "Still"**_

It had been three months since the whole application process began. And with all the issues that has caused them their therapist, recommended that they go out and enjoy each other for a night. Forget about graduate school, forget about all of the "what if's" and all of the possibilities that life could bring and just enjoy the moment. With midterms on the behind them they felt that was a great idea. To de-stress, re-group and have some fun. So what's more fun than a road trip?

"Livvie, hurry up we have to be on the rode by 5am if we want to make it in time to go to dinner Fitz screamed up the steps in their two story apartment.

"I'm coming, I'm coming." She yelled. With the weather getting ready to break in the swamp land that they call Washington, DC, Olivia walked down the steps with a pair of leggings, some Tory Burch flats and Fitz oversized sweatshirt, preparing herself for the ride to an undisclosed location that Fitz refused to tell her.

After riding on the highway Olivia's curiosity began to get the best of her. While being able to watch the sun rise was a beautiful site especially when it looks like you're driving toward the horizon, she was never one for surprises but with Fitz, everything was a surprise. So after about 2hrs of riding she began to ask questions

"Baby" She said as she began to rub his arm while he drove using her sweetest voice hoping to distract him enough to let her know where they would be going.

"Yea Liv" Fitz said unknowingly. He knew that it was only a matter of time before Olivia began to start asking questions. He was proud of her though. She really did try to just sit back and ride.

"Where are we going?" Olivia asked as she leaned over the console in Fitz sports car and whispered in his ear

"Stop Liv, I'm driving and I'm not telling you so don't start trying to seduce me into telling you" Fitz said laughing as he kept driving. Olivia knew exactly what to do to get what she wanted from him

She sat back in her seat and pouted. She thought if she was really sweet and charming that Fitz would budge. She knew she was his Achilles heel. After sitting there upset for about 20 minutes she thought to herself. Maybe I didn't do it right.

Due to the weather outside Fitz had the windows up with the heat on. Determined to find out their destination, Olivia sat up in her seat and took off Fitz sweatshirt revealing a low cut t-shirt. One that she knew drove him crazy.

"Gosh, baby it's so hot in here" Olivia said smirking.

"Oh, sorry babe. I'll turn the heat down Fitz said as he reached to turn the temp. down in the car without looking at her

Olivia sat for a minute. She was sure he would look at her to make sure she was okay, but he didn't

"Baby. Do you have any tissue? I'm sweating" Liv said as she began to fan herself in effort to stop the faux sweat from rolling down her face

Fitz told her to look in the arm rest to grab a tissue. They were almost at their destination and he didn't want to miss his exit.

"Baby, I don't see any" Olivia whined hoping that would force Fitz to look at her.

Fitz looked over to Olivia and saw that she had on his favorite t-shirt, with the V-neck that made her boobs look great. He knew what she was doing and he would be lying if he said it wasn't working a little. But determined to make her wait it out Fitz grabbed the tissue and handed it to Olivia while looking back to the road. Realizing that Fitz wasn't going to budge Olivia decided she mines well sit back and enjoy the ride.

After about 10 minutes in accepting that she wasn't getting the destination out of Fitz she actually began to relax for a few hours, and fell asleep.

* * *

Waking up about 7hrs later, unbeknown to her the number of times Fitz stopped for coffee or to use the restroom or get something to eat, they finally arrived to their destination.

Fitz pulled up in front of what appeared to be a beautiful log cabin. He went inside to what was actually a hotel he check them in, took the bags upstairs and then went to get his sleeping beauty out of the car

"Livvie. Baby wake up" Fitz whispered kissing her face trying to coax her out of her peaceful slumber.

He heard a slight whimper escape from her as he began to put her arm around his neck so he could carry her to their room. He knew she was exhausted. She had been up all night the night before making sure that everything was packed. Even though he kept telling her to go to sleep

She briefly opened her eyes to wrap her arms tighter around his neck and put her head back on his chest and closed her eyes.

By the time he made it back up to the room Olivia was full awake but she had yet to open her eyes or loosen her grip on Fitz neck. If Fitz knew anything, it was that Olivia loved to be carried but she would never admit it. He smirked to himself as he tried to put her down on the bed and she was literally strangling him trying not to let go.

"Fitz" she breathed

"Yes baby"

"Where are we?"

"Vermont"

Olivia opened her eyes and was in awe of what she saw. Everything was beautiful and looked like something out of a classic movie. The décor in the room left her speech less. From the floors, to the headboard made of wood, to the mini fireplace next to the TV stand against the wall. Everything was gorgeous.

"You like?" Fitz asked as he watched her survey the room

"I love it baby" Olivia whispered

"I love you" Fitz said kissing her lips

"I love you too" Olivia replied

Their eyes met, and not long after so did their lips. They kissed passionately and slowly. Forgetting about everything that caused them heartache and trouble over the past couple of months, forgetting about test, midterms, law and medical school applications, acceptance letters and anything else that could take away from the magical moment they were having.

Coming up for air, Olivia looked into Fitz eyes and smiled, breathing the one word that never failed to cause his heart to skip a beat

"Hi" Liv breathed

"Hi"

"Vermont, huh?"

"Vermont, Livvie"

* * *

After taking a nap from driving, Fitz woke up to someone kissing his chest. Opening his eyes to find his Livvie in-between his legs as she rubbed her hands up and down his chest causing the hairs to rise, Fitz tried to sit up and was stopped by Olivia's full body beginning to hover over him

"Livvie"

"Fitz, I love you so much"

"I love you too Liv"

"No baby, I love you"

"Liv…"

"Sssshhhh" Olivia said as she lowered herself while pulling on his pants

While Fitz was sleeping Olivia was wide awake. She used the restroom, and then gave herself her own guided tour of this magnificent hotel that Fitz found for them to stay in for the next four days. Liv and Fitz had talked about what their dream house would look like and after much compromise they finally came up with an idea that seemed to embody what they both envisioned in a house and this hotel had just about everything. She felt like it was a trial run of what their house could be.

She also thought about how much thought went into Fitz planning their week together and she couldn't help but feel sorrowful for all the stress that he had been putting him through by trying to run away from him to go to graduate school. She began contemplating the idea of just going to Yale with Fitz and living her life with the person she thought she wanted to spend her life with. As she was thinking she looked up to see Fitz peacefully sleeping and she wanted him to make love to her. She knew without a doubt that Fitz loved her and his love always helped her clear her mind when she had too many thoughts running through her head.

Olivia continued to pull on the waist band of Fitz pants

"Livvie"

"Fitz"

"I want you"

Looking at her with one eyebrow raised. Fitz was never one to turn down Olivia with anything that she desired but he just wasn't so used to her being so straightforward when it came to their sex life.

Answering her request, he flipped her onto her back and began to remove her bra. She had already taken off the rest of her clothes before she began working on his.

Fitz began sucking on her breast while massaging the other. Eliciting a moan from Olivia. She began to raise her hips as she felt her core heating and her lace panties getting wet. Giving into her needs Fitz lowered his head kissing the outside of her panties before allowing her to slightly raise her hips so he could remove them. He then went back to her breast giving them all the attention that they deserved.

That night they made love until they fell asleep again. No matter what they endured or what fight they could be having their love still remained a driving force, and what a strong force it was.

* * *

**So I wanted to give you guys some sweet Olitz happiness before things pick up. So I'm debating making this story a trilogy. I just have so many thoughts and directions that I would like to go in that I think I can organize them into three separate stories. I hope you enjoyed this chapter more than I did! Remember leave you thoughts! & Thanks for reading : )**


	4. Can We Stay Right Here?

**A/N: Thanks to all who have commented and to those of you who are reading! Please review I'd love to hear your thoughts.**

_**Baby I can't breathe when you touch my body**_

_**When your heart beats - it's like music to me**_

_**And I can't see my life without you**_

_**And baby it's all up to you**_

_**Cherish "Moment in Time"**_

It was 2pm when Olivia and Fitz woke up from their sex induced sleep. They had made love until they couldn't anymore. Waking up fully rested with an entire night already mapped out for them.

Fitz had made sure that he planned thins that he thought would be excited and fun seeing as though when they came back to school they would be gearing up for the second half of the semester and everyone knows that means acceptance letters would be coming in along with the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays.

"Hey Babe" Olivia called out from the bathroom

"Yea, Livvie" Fitz said

"Do you think we can go to grab some dinner from the restaurant down stairs?" Olivia asked. When she as exploring the hotel the night before she found an amazing restaurant and she really wanted to try their food.

"Sure, let's just hurry because we have to be somewhere by 7pm" Fitz answered

It was about 4pm they stayed in bed all day, enjoying each other's presence and ordering room service. Fitz had found a haunted house in the city that he wanted to take Olivia took. He thought it would be really fun. But he forgets she was afraid so one would only imagine how things would be once they got there.

* * *

After going to dinner, Liv was right. The food was amazing. Apparently the chef used to own his own restaurant in New York City, and he even had a television show on Food Network. But when the market began to slow down he had to leave as the station canceled his show. He still owned his restaurant in the city which was a small upscale restaurant that they both vowed they had to try before graduation.

As their driving, they drive past an old time drive-in movie.

"Baby, look. I've always wanted to go to one of those" Olivia says as she points out of the window.

Fitz thinks about the haunted house but being as though she would be scared anyway. Although it was a nice thought to have her clinging onto him for dear life, he figured he'd give his Livvie exactly what she wanted

"Fitz where are we going" Olivia says and she seeing him turn the car around

"We're going to the movies. Didn't you say you always wanted to go there?"

"Yes I did but didn't you already schedule something for us to do tonight?

"I did babe, but believe me, you'll rather do this" Fitz said as he chuckled.

"Okay baby" Olivia whispered with a smile on her face. She couldn't help but be happy. She always gets what she wanted no matter what

Fitz pulled into the theatre, rolled down the window to pay and then told Liv he'd be right back with her bottle of water and pretzel that she wanted. As she as sitting in the car. Her phone rang

"Hello"

"Ladybug"

"Hi daddy"

"How are you ladybug?"

"I'm doing well, how are you?"

"Even better know that I've spoken to my ladybug, you would think she's forgotten about me ever since she's been in college." Joe said

"Daddy I could never forget about you" Olivia said laughing.

"So, ladybug, you go some mail today" Joseph said getting serious

"Really? From who?" She had been having such a great time that she honestly forgot about her law school applications.

"It's from Columbia." Joseph said excitedly only to be met with silence.

Olivia was anxious to find out if she had gotten in but she didn't want to ruin that time she was spending with Fitz. But this was too important. There could be something in the envelope that needed immediate attention.

"Daddy, do you mind opening it?" Olivia asked hesitantly

"Sure"

After about 2 minutes. Joseph called for his wife to come into the room

"Ladybug are you there?" he asked putting her on speaker so that her mother could hear her.

"Yes, I'm here. Hi mom!"

"Hi Livvie"

"Well, daddy what does it say?"

"Congratulations Ladybug, it says the are proud to tell you that you, My Ladybug, have been selected to be an incoming freshman at Columbia Law School for the up and coming academic year."

Olivia would be lying if she didn't say she was over joyed. But know this knowledge has but her in an even worse spot when it comes to her relationship with Fitz.

But this is what she wanted. To find out who she is. She's not saying she wanted to lose Fitz; she just wants to know who she is. She could hear her parent on the other line congratulating her on such an accomplishment and her mother saying how she couldn't wait to see her so she could hug her while her father spoke about a cone of mint chocolate chip ice cream with her name on it.

"Thanks" she says in genuine excitement. But she looks out the window to see Fitz walking back her way.

"Ma, Daddy. I'm going to call you back when I return to school okay? Fitz and I are kind of on a date right now." She said trying to get her parents to hang up before he returns and asks what all the excitement is about

"Okay baby. We love and miss you."

"Love and miss you too. Bye" Olivia says hanging up the phone

* * *

When Fitz gets back into the car he can tell a change in Olivia demeanor. He saw her talking on the phone as he walked back to the car so he hoped no one called her with bad news.

"Are you okay?" Fitz asked.

"Yea, babe I'm fine" Liv says as she reaches for her bottle of water

"Thanks" she says

"Are you sure baby? We can go back to the hotel if you not okay?"

"No baby, I'm fine. Look! The movies starting!" Olivia said kissing Fitz on the cheek. He was always making sure she was okay. She was going to miss having someone so caring with her at all times when she went away to school.

After the movie began they found themselves wrapped up in each other's arms as they watched the old time black and white flip being projected.

Olivia had a thousand thoughts going through her mind, but as she looked up to see Fitz face, he looked down catching her gaze and slowly and gently kissing her. Pulling and sucking on her bottom lip.

They came up for air and looked into each other's eyes and smiled, Fitz as well as Olivia could feel her body beginning to relax into his arms. She laid her head on her chest while he wrapped his arm about her rubbing her arm. While they both say they're the only thing of both of their minds was how much they wished they could make time stand still and live in this moment forever.

* * *

**So, they're bonding and spending some quality time together. Olivia got into Columbia, but she's starting to realize what that means for her relationship with Fitz. What do you think? Should she tell Fitz about her acceptance immediately? Or should she figure out what she's going to do before tell him? Tell me you thoughts! Thanks for reading! : )**


	5. What Now?

**A/N: Thanks for Reading! Here's the Next Chapter! Sidebar: Make sure your reading the lyrics at the beginning. They can help with understanding the theme of the chapter! **

_**What now? I just can't figure it out**_

_**What now? I guess I'll just wait it out (wait it out)**_

_**What now? Somebody tell me**_

_**What now?**_

_**I don't know where to go**_

_**I don't know what to feel**_

_**I don't know how to cry**_

_**I don't know oh why**_

_**So what now?**_

_**Rihanna "What Now"**_

Olivia and Fitz returned to school after their mini vacation to Vermont. Fitz was feeling stress free and Olivia could tell that he had completely forgotten about any and all drama that was consuming their life. But for her it was the only thing on her mind.

Ever since Olivia got that call from her dad, she tried her hardest to enjoy what might be one of her last vacations ever with Fitz for a while. She knew that she had to go to Columbia. That wasn't a question. The problem was how could she convince Fitz that they could do this? They would only be a 2 hours apart.

Maybe all she had to do was tell him that and he would calm down a bit. Wait no, he wouldn't. She understood his fears, they mirrored her own. But she just wanted him to see that even thought they were going to be at different schools they could do it! She believed in their love, did he?

Olivia was sitting in the coffee shop on campus, with her cousin Harrison, he was living in Georgetown and when she text him during her break in Vermont telling him that she got into Columbia he knew he had to be there the minute she returned. Harrison was the only one that knew what was going on between she and Fitz and he was able to give her unbiased advice and help her find a answer.

Harrison also knew how in love Fitz and Olivia were as did everyone else around them but his special bond that he had with Olivia held him privy to things that might not otherwise be disclosed.

"Harry" Olivia said as she walked up to the table with her tea and his coffee in hand

"Livvie" Harrison said as she sat down

"Tell me Livvie. What's going through that head of yours?"

"Harry, I don't know"

Harrison could see that she was about to break down and he knew she would be pissed if he let her do it in a coffee shop in front of people

"Come. We're going to my apartment to discuss this. I don't need you crying in public then hating me for it" He said making her laugh a little

They arrived at his apartment and from the moment she sat down she was in tears explaining everything

"Harry… I just… I just don't know what to do. Do I say yes and jeopardize one of the most important people in my life or do I decline and think about how it could've been for the rest of my life?" Olivia said through her tears

"Liv, nobody can answer that question but you. But I do have a question. And please tell me the truth" he said smirking at her

"Liv, did you tell Fitz you got into Columbia?"

Shaking her head, she whispered "No"

"Why?"

"Because….." she said as she tried to get herself together.

"Because I was afraid. I don't know what to do Harry. What if I tell him and he leaves like he did when he saw I was applying there? I can't take him leaving me. Not that way at least," Olivia said as he hiccupped trying to stop the tears

"Livvie…" Harrison said touching her hand to get her to look at him. He hated to see his little cousin in such a heartbreaking state. If he didn't know it was because of love he would go straight to her apartment and kick Fitz ass now. But if he knew anything, he knew that when you love you suffer. You suffer to get, maintain, and keep the love. It's not easy, it's hard and he wanted to help his cousin in anyway.

"Livvie, you have to tell Fitz you got into Columbia, or your right he's going to be very upset if he hears it from someone other than you. But Livvie. Why do you want to leave Fitz so bad?" Harrison asked. Out of all the times he and Olivia discussed this, this was the one question he always neglected to ask. He figured she would tell him eventually

"I don't want to leave him Harry. I just want to go to school without him. You know? Like I want to figure out who I am aside from Fitz. I know who I am with Fitz, now I need to find myself without Fitz. Because what if this doesn't work? What will I do if all I have is Fitz? Harry I have to do something on my own." Olivia spoke through her tears but with conviction

Sitting looking at his baby cousin. He couldn't help but remember when she would follow him around forcing him to play dress up. And now she's telling him how she wanted to become her own person. He loved her and was saddened that he couldn't tell her what to do. But if she was going to begin a journey to discover who she was, it begins now. With her making her own desicion without the input of anyone else.

"Livvie, if you want to figure out who you are without Fitz. Then you're going to have to start by speaking up for yourself. You going to have to be honest with him and tell him that you got into Columbia and that you're going." Harrison said firmly. He knew Olivia; she was like his little sister. She always needed a push when she was unsure. He wanted to her to go for this journey by herself but he saw he needed to give her the push to get started.

The next day at their therapy session the first thing that the therapist asked them about was their vacation. While Fitz was thrilled as he expressed how much fun they had and everything they did together. It wasn't lost on the therapist or Fitz how quiet Olivia was being. Yes, she hated going to the therapist but she usually spoke.

"Olivia, you're quieter than usual. Is everything okay?" Dr. Smith asked

"Yes, I'm okay. I was just listening" Olivia said quietly

"Well, I asked about you week with Fitz. How did you think it went?" Dr. Smith tried again trying to engage Olivia in the discussion. She knew something was off but she wanted her to voice it without having to be prompted.

"It went well. I think it was really nice." Olivia said, but desperately lacking the same enthusiasm that Fitz had

"Livvie, are you okay?" Fitz asked. He knew she was being quiet but he figured it was because she didn't want to be there

"Yes, Fitz I'm fine" Olivia said

After the session was up. Dr. Smith asked Olivia to stay behind. She wanted to discuss whatever was bothering her

"Olivia, did something happen while you and Fitzgerald where on vacation?" Dr. Smith asked apprehensively

Olivia stayed quiet contemplating if she wanted to tell the therapist what's really bothering her. She thought about it and figured they are going to her to get help with their issues.

"Olivia?" Dr. Smith said as she stared at her

"Over vacation I found out that I got into Columbia Law School. I haven't told Fitz yet. I'm afraid that he'll leave or something. And I love him so much I don't want to lose him I just want to go to school alone so I can see who I am without Fitz. Is that wrong?" Olivia asked as she began to cry

Dr. Smith looked at her with a slight smile. She had finally gotten to the core of the problem. The one that they were both avoiding in every session

"Olivia. I have another appointment coming in. but I want you to give me a call. I want to talk to you alone to see how we can work together to figure out a way to tell Fitz what's going on with you and this new information you've received because Olivia he doesn't know there's something wrong if you don't tell him. Yes he will be upset but I think if we put our heads together we can come up with a say to soften the blow." Dr. Smith said looking at her

"How does that sound?"

"Fine." Olivia whispered.

"Okay. I'll let you go now. Have a nice week Olivia"

"Same to you"

Olivia and Fitz were driving home. He didn't know what Dr. Smith said but he left her fine and she came out with red eyes that he didn't see often, that only meant one thing. She had been crying

"Livvie, baby talk to me. What's wrong?"


	6. Tell Him The Truth

_**Baby I promise**_

_**I didn't mean to hurt you**_

_**Will you forgive me**_

_**You didn't deserve this**_

_**I know it wasn't worth it**_

_**I'm a tell him the truth**_

_**(when I'm ready to)**_

_**Tell him the truth**_

_**(some how)**_

_**Gotta tell him the truth**_

_**(That's what I gotta do)**_

_**Tell him the truth**_

_**(but not now)**_

_**Gotta Tell him the truth**_

_**(just wait a little bit)**_

_**Tell him the truth**_

_**(he couldn't handle it)**_

_**Keri Hilson "Tell Him the Truth"**_

After her talk with the therapist and her talk with Harrison, she knew what she had to do. If she really wanted to do this for herself she had to be honest not only with herself but with the people around her. That's why tonight instead of going to her normal biweekly dinner with her cousin she was sitting in her dining room across the table from Fitz with dim lighting and a home cooked meal. She thought that maybe if she did something nice for him he would take the new a little easier. Also she wanted to stress that she was not leaving him emotionally. She would always be his she just had to find a piece of herself that she could hold onto for herself.

"Livvie? Baby where are you?" Fitz called out as he walked into their apartment. He knew tonight was her dinner with Harrison so he was surprised to see that she was home and had what looked to me a romantic dinner set up for them.

"In the kitchen babe" she called out

Walking into the kitchen he was met with a sight that he loved. She was dressed in a short black dress that was about 3 inches above the knee and fit her small frame perfectly.

He walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, and put his head into her hair and breathed in her scent. Gosh he loved her.

He kissed the side of her neck and turned her around forcing her to stop what she was doing and wrap her arms around his neck as they deepened the kiss. Olivia moaned in his mouth as his tongues search every crevice of her mouth. She whimpered when she felt him break apart to get some air.

"Come on, let's eat. I need to discuss something with you" she said in a low sultry voice. She was scared, and she saw herself about to just use sex to get out of having to tell him the truth but that was not going to help her situation at all. It had already been a month since she found out she got accepted and with winter break in two weeks she knew she had to tell him before they went home to her parents' house like they did every year and he found out that way.

They were sitting down having a nice conversation about their days and all of the annoying know-it-all kids in her political science class and all of the so called mad scientist in his biology class. They were having such a great time she didn't want to destroy it, but she had to do it tonight. She had accepted her invitation to Columbia Law School that Monday and she felt horrible doing something that important behind his back.

"Fitz"

"Hmm Livvie?" He asked as he ate his food. Oblivious to what was about to occur.

"Remember, when I told you I filled out the application to Columbia Law School? I mean how could you forget it's been the source of every argument. But anyway so I applied, and I got in and I accepted." She said nervously refusing to meet his gaze although she could feel the air getting tense and his eyes glue to her head

"W-wwhat?" Fitz asked. He couldn't believe that she was going to destroy such a great night with this news

"Fitz, I'm sorry. I got in and I accepted. I really want to go there. Its only two hours away from Yale, we can visit each other as much as you like but I have to do this for me. Please baby, don't be made, we can do this, I trust our love, don't you?" Olivia pleaded with Fitz

Fitz didn't respond. He got up out of his chair and walked into their bedroom. He couldn't believe this shit. As he thought about what she said one question came to mind.

_How long as she known?_

He walked back into the kitchen with his eyes red, and brimming with tears. He looked her in the face and simply asked in a low voice, "How long? how long have you known?"

She put her head down. Damn. She knew that question was just going to be the icing on the cake to his behavior

"Sssiinnce" She couldn't get it out and her voice threatened to crack at any moment

"Since when Liv?" he asked. He was getting angry. He didn't know how she could do something like this to them. He trusted her.

"Vermont" she said just above a whisper. If he wasn't in the room he couldn't have even known she spoke

"When?" he asked. Now he was pissed.

"Vermont… since Vermont" she spoke up looking up to see his face. It was a mixture of anger, fear, and hurt

"Fitz, I'm sorry" she cried

"Vermont? You mean you let me walk around there and here thinking everything was fine. Like I had my girlfriend back? Like it was us against the world but it reality it was you and then me on two different wavelengths? Damn Liv." Fitz said shaking his head.

He began gathering his things. He had a test the next day anyway but he originally was just going to study later one that night but now he was going to crash at the library and then to a friend's house because right now... right now he just couldn't be around her. She lied to him and made a life changing decision that affects him without speaking with him. He was so upset.

Olivia watched as he gathered his things like he did that night when she first uttered the words Columbia Law School, but only this time, he packed an overnight bag as well. She didn't need to see how many things he put in to the bag; either way he was leaving and he didn't plan on coming back. She cried. She cried so hard that she was beginning to hyperventilate. When he got to the front door he turned around to look at her. No matter how made he was at her he hated to see her in such shambles.

"Where…. Where are you going?" Olivia whispered. Afraid of the answer

"I don't know Liv, but I just… I just need time… I guess I should start getting use to the idea of not being around you 24/7" He said as he began to walk away

"I… I love you" she said as she walked him walk out the door

"I know Liv... I know" he said as he closed the door

She ran to the door and slid all the way down. And pulled her knees to her chest and cried. She cried for hours. She cried long enough that she fell asleep and didn't wake up until 1am and had to force herself to get off the floor to go get in the bed. It's not like she was going to get any sleep. She couldn't sleep without him. But at least she finally told him the truth


	7. Scared of Lonely

_**A/N: Thanks to those of you who are reading; sidebar: I know Harrison called Olivia "Livvie" I'm not apologizing for it. Lol it happens, I made a mistake.; also if you were reading the Pope-Grant Twins, the story is back and the last chapter is also the newest chapter! **_

_**I'm scared of lonely**_

_**And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along the wall**_

_**And I'm scared the only heartbeat I hear beating is my own**_

_**And I'm scared of being alone**_

_**I can't seem to breathe when I am lost in this dream; I need you to hold me**_

_**I'm scared of lonely**_

_**I'm scared of lonely...**_

_**Beyoncé " Scared of Lonely"**_

It was Thursday. It had been exactly one week since she told him the truth. They hadn't really spoken to one another. She hadn't seen him in the apartment but she knew he was still coming because every day something of his disappeared. Little by little his things where vanishing and little by little her heart was breaking.

She didn't know it was going to be like this. How did her wanting to discover herself turn into her breaking her own heart, because that's who did right? Not him. No he didn't ask to go to separate schools, she did. So this was all her fault. It was her fault that she hadn't seen her boyfriend in a week, it was her fault she hadn't slept in a week. It was all her fault. Christmas break was in four days and for the first time she didn't know if he was coming with her. What did she say to her parents? How did she explain this to them. I mean she knew they'd love her regardless, but still, they loved him too. So how did she explain that she may be the reason why they never saw him again?

These are the things running through her mind as she sits across from Dr. Smith. It's time for therapy and for once she couldn't wait to get there, to see him. She prayed he showed up. She didn't want to break up. She had to tell him that. She didn't want to break up with him she just wanted to go to school without him, or is she the only one naïve enough to believe that the two are possible to achieve?

"Olivia" Dr. Smith called pulling her out of her thoughts

"Hi" She says as she gets up to follow the doctor back to her office. He still wasn't there yet

"Hi Olivia, how are you? Where's Fitzgerald?" Dr. Smith asked. The last time she spoke with Olivia she knew she was supposed to tell him, but she thought she would've heard from one of them if things went bad leaving her to assume that this couple in front of her was going to make it. Their chemistry was undeniable and she was determined to get them through this rough patch.

"Olivia. Would you like to begin? Or should we wait a little while longer for Fitzgerald to arrive?" Dr. Smith asked

"No. we can begin" Olivia stated somberly

"Okay. We can start when you're ready. And just to let you know. We can take our time today. With finals beginning on Saturday my appointment after yours has decided not to come in so I have some extra time for you" Dr. Smith said. The truth was, she knew after Olivia revelation to Fitz, things were either going to go really good or really bad but she wanted to be prepared for them either way so she made she sure had her secretary block off two appointment slots for them.

"He hates me" Olivia whispered"

"I'm sorry. Could you repeat that?"

"Fitz… he hates me… I made my boyfriend hate me" Olivia spoke a little louder

"Olivia, why do you say that and where is Fitz today? He's never missed a session" Dr. Smith asked

"I…." Just as she was about to answer the door to the office opened and Fitz walked in

You could hear an audible sigh coming from Olivia. He came. He actually came. And he looks so good. She missed him so much. So so much.

"I'm sorry I'm late, something was holding me up. I apologize" Fitz said looking at Dr. Smith. He wouldn't look at Liv, but just her presence did so many things to him. It had been one whole week, one whole week since he was able to hold his Livvie, to wrap his arms around her and tell her how much he loved her. One whole week since he'd gotten a decent amount of sleep. He had been sleeping on Jake's couch for the last week and he didn't like it one bit, but he felt he was giving her what she wanted. Time to find herself without him around. That's what she wanted right?

"Hello, Fitzgerald. Olivia and I were discussing, her telling you about her acceptance."

"Now I'm not going to ask how you feel because I think that's pretty clear. But what I would like to ask is, how have things been at home? I mean I know you live together so how has it been? "Dr. Smith asked looking at Fitz

She was met by absolute silence. Neither person was speaking. Usually Olivia was quiet but Fitz always had something to say so she was at a lost. How as she going to get at least one of them to open up, then, just as she was about to say something

"He moved out" Olivia spoke up

"I did not move out" Fitz refuted. He couldn't believe she had the nerve to tell this woman about the change in their living arrangements, she didn't even like coming to therapy.

"Yes he did. And I haven't seen him for a week. A whole week because I'm going to Columbia Law School" Olivia said. She was upset. And Fitz not wanting to be honest about it was making her mad, not to mention he hadn't looked at her since he walked into the office.

The office got quiet

"Fitzgerald" Dr. Smith called

"I didn't move out. Yes I haven't seen her in a week but I've been staying at a friend's house. But I didn't move out. My things are still in the apartment" Fitz said trying to justify his weeks' worth of disappearance

"Barely" Olivia said looking out of the door.

But before the argument could go any further Dr. Smith figured it was time to step in

"Okay … So… Fitz... I can call you Fitz right?" He shook his head signaling that it was okay.

"Tell me, if you didn't move out, and you haven't spoken to Olivia in over a week, and you haven't been living in the apartment, don't you think it's only plausible that she concludes that you moved out?" Dr. Smith asked. She knew Fitz was being stubborn but she hoped that voicing his actions out loud would help him

"… I guess …" Fitz answered not meeting her gaze

"Why?"

"I guess… I guess I just needed time to clear my mind. And come to terms with the fact that my girlfriend is using graduate school as an excuse to break up with me. I guess I just needed space. To get used to not seeing her or hearing her voice every day. I need space." Fitz asked looking at the therapist.

"Fitz"

"Yes?"

"Look at Olivia."

His head popped up at this command. But he wouldn't do it.

"Fitz, Look at Olivia and tell her why you haven't been home in a week"

He looked down. Determined not to look at her. It hurt too much. It hurt to look at her and think that she didn't want to be with him anymore.

"Fitz"

Olivia looked over at him, hoping that if he felt her gaze that he would return it.

He slowly lifted his head and turned to his right to meet her eyes. It was like looking in the mirror, they were as sad as his own.

She tilted her head to the side when he finally looked at her. She missed those eyes

"Fitz…. Is that what you think I'm doing? Do you think I'm using school as a reason to walk away from this? From us?" She was lost and perplexed. That's not what was happening. She didn't want to walk away from him. She just didn't want to be one of those couples that only knows each other and doesn't have friends outside of one another.

"Fitz, that's not it. I love you. I. LOVE. YOU. And I'm sorry I made you feel like I didn't want you anymore. That's not it. I just want us to try something new." Olivia said. Her eyes where brimming with tears. She couldn't believe he thought she would be cowardly enough to use school as a reason to walk away from him.

"Then why? why Liv? Why do we have to go to different schools? Yale has Law and Medical, and so does Columbia. But you made it seem like you didn't want me there at all so why?" Fitz asked. He lifted his head all the way up and was looking directly into her eyes. Damn. He missed her.

"Fitz, I don't have a reason. Other than the one I keep repeating. Maybe it selfish of me but honestly I just want to see what it would be like to go to school without you. I want to see if I can do it. It may be wrong. It may be the worse challenge I have ever given myself. But I think we can do it together. We don't have to break up…" Olivia was cut off

"We Don't?" Fitz asked. All this time he thought that if she didn't want to go to school with him why would she want to stay with him. That made sense right?

Olivia smiled slightly, he was coming around

"No, Fitz… Baby I would lose my mind not knowing that I have you to come home to in the end. I just want us, together, to embark on new journeys" Olivia said. She could see in his face that he was beginning to understand.

Dr. Smith sat back and watch in amazement at the couple in front of her. So young, so vibrant. She saw many couples on this campus, but out of them all. These two were the ones she enjoyed the most. She watched as they worked out their issues, both understanding the other fears and communicating effectively. If she was honest, they almost didn't need her. They just need to trust each other and their love because they would have to be blind to not see what they had. Yes, they were both scared of being lonely but, they would and could help each other overcome that fear.


	8. Christmas Present

**A/N: Thanks to the 503 Service Errors yesterday I wasn't able to post the Christmas chapter that I prepared. But in the spirit of the holidays here is some happy Olitz. Also Merry Christmas!**

_**I just want you for my own**_

_**More than you could ever know**_

_**Make my wish come true**_

_**All I want for Christmas is you**_

_**You, baby**_

_**Mariah Carey "All I want for Christmas" **_

It was the day before her last final, and yes they made up. He was back home, but they never discussed holiday plans. She desperately wanted him to come home for break with her like he's done every year for as long as she can remember. But she doesn't want to push him, he's just becoming to be okay with the idea of them not going to the same school but still trying to be a couple. He wasn't fully there yet but he, they, were working on it.

As much as she hated the idea of therapy, she had to admit that if it wasn't for Dr. Smith, she may not have told him the truth yet.

He had just walked out of his last final, he knew he failed. He was too concerned with thinking about his plans for break that he didn't have a chance to study properly leaving him adequate unprepared for his final. Good thing he hadn't scored below an A on any of the test during the semester in this class.

He was walking across campus back to the apartment and the only thing on his mind was where he was spending the holidays. He thought back to freshman year when he and Liv experienced their first snow storm which resulted in a delay of their flight back home. And now, this may be the last holiday season that he gets to spend with the love of his life and that's the only thing that's on his mind. He had plans for this holiday break, he just didn't know if he should follow through with them on not.

He walked into their apartment to see her on the couch studying

"Hey, babe"

"Hey!"

This had been their typical conversation ever since the truth was revealed, no tension, casual, but definitely not them, and this scared them both.

"Fitz…" Olivia said hesitantly was she walked into their bedroom

"Yea, Liv" he answered with his back toward her as he pulled some shirts out of the drawer to put into his luggage

"Ummm… so I was wondering if you decided if you would be going home this year or with me to my parents. I know things have changed since we last discussed this and I totally understand if you'd rather go home, but I was just curious." Olivia said in all of one breathe with a scared look on her face.

Fitz turned around to see the look of pure fear on her face

"Liv, honestly I haven't decided yet. I mean I don't want to go back on our agreement but like you said a lot of things have changed since that conversation. Also I'm trying really hard to be okay with you going away for school and I would hate to come into your parents' home with my ill feelings while I know they are overjoyed with the fact that you are going to Columbia." Fitz said. The truth was he was trying really hard and he didn't want to let his own feelings disrupt her family's holidays

"Oh…. Okay… sounds good" Olivia said as she walked away from the door. She was disappointed but she understood.

She went back into the living room to finish studying for her test tomorrow but all she could do was think back to the first Christmas they shared together.

_It was cold outside; the weather was just breaking in DC. They were scheduled to go back home to California right after his last final. Since they arrived to Georgetown earlier that year, for their sophomore year they were finally experiencing their first snow storm._

"_Hey Liv!" Fitz yelled from the bedroom. "What time is our flight baby?"_

"_9:00am, east coast time; why?"_

"_Just wondering"_

_This was going to be their first Christmas waking up together in the same house. Her father agreed to let him come for the holidays as long as they slept in two separate rooms. He didn't want to think about his Ladybug, sleeping next to a mean even if he did know that they shared an apartment together, he just wasn't comfortable with it happening under his roof which they both understood and respected. _

"_Baby"_

"_Yea, Livvie"_

"_Do you think we will make it back home before the storm hits?"_

"_I hope so babe" _

_Once arriving at the airport for their flight that was scheduled to leave in 2 hrs. weather permitted. But after several delays, they accepted that they wouldn't make it home until Christmas day when all of the snow, sleeting, and raining was scheduled to end. _

_Luckily for them, since this was their first time living together after the university mandated first year on campus, Liv wanted them to decorate their apartment. So they already had a tree and lights. Instead of sitting in the airport all night they decided to return home and come back in the morning._

_They sat in the kitchen laughing over Fitz's latest attempt to cook them dinner, as Liv sat on the counter overseeing his cooking._

"_Baby, let me help" Liv giggled as she looked at Fitz who was making a complete mess_

"_No, Livvie. It's supposed to be made by me! That's what makes it special" He said swatting her hand away_

"_I guess, I just hope you done burn down our apartment. The last time I let you make me something, the fire department had to come stop it from burning first" Liv answered while laughing _

"_Baby, that was one time, when I was 15 and how was I supposed to know that you put the water in the put before you cook it" _

"_Baby. It was on the back on the instructions"_

"_Whatever" Fitz said as he went back to stirring what he was cooking in the pot and checking on the salmon he placed in the over._

_To her surprise dinner that night was really good, she was impressed. After dinner they snuggled on the couch and watched her favorite Christmas movie. They had to wake up early the next morning if they wanted to make their red eye flight out of DC to California._

"_Fitz" _

"_Hhhm" he answered half asleep_

"_Let's, go play in the snow" Live said excitedly. She had been watching the snow fall as Fitz slept. She wanted to ask him all day but with all the confusion with their flight they never had a minute to relax. _

"_Okay, but I'm not making any snow angels, last time like last time. I swear my butt had to defrost from all the snow in my pants" Fitz said as he got up from the couch. _

_Unlike Olivia, Fitz was not into the cold weather of the east coast, but he would do anything for his Livvie. _

_They got all bundled up and went outside. In true fashion, the first thing Olivia did was make a snow angel, and after much kissing up and compromising, she finally convinced Fitz that he should try it again. _

_About two hours late they both in the house, cold and wet. _

"_Stand, right there babe. I'll be right back" Fitz said as he took off his boots to go lite the fireplace and get a towel to wipe his face off from all the wet snow and he was freezing. _

_Fitz made his way back to Olivia and brought her over to stand in front of the fire place to warm up. He began to untie her boots helping her to step out of them. He then watch as she removed he scarf and began to unzip her jacket. _

_Fitz then began to pull down her athletic sweats that she used as snow pants. As he pulled them down he began to sensually kiss her thighs as she stepped out of them being cautious of many discussions they've had. He looked up to see her removing her sweatshirt showing her lace bra as the light from the burning fire illuminated off of her smooth skin._

_Fitz continued to kiss up her legs as he rubbed the back of them. He kept kissing until he was kissing her flat stomach_

"_Fitz" Olivia whispered_

"_Sssshhh, baby lay down" Fitz answered in the same hushed voice_

_Olivia did as he asked. Lying down in front of the burning wood. Fitz continued to kiss his way up until their eyes met._

"_Hi" he breathed ever so softly, sending a chill down her spine_

"_Hi" She replied hoarsely_

_Fitz then went back to kissing and worshipping this beautiful woman that he had in front of him. He reached to his pants so that he could remove them. He didn't want to put his wet and cold pants on her. While he was doing that Olivia sat up and let her hair down out of its messy bun that she put in, to play in the snow. Fitz looked up at her and began to unhook her bra while looking at her face to make sure she was okay._

_He began to kiss and suck on her erect nipples. He loved how sensitive they were. _

_As Fitz continued to massage and kiss her nipples Olivia felt his fingers dancing on the barrier of her panties covering her wet core. _

"_Fitz" Liv pleaded with him_

_Fitz knew she wanted him to remove her underwear as he too wanted to remove his boxers and plunge into her, but Olivia told him when she was ready to take that step that she would let him know, so he continued to rub her core, careful not let his hands slips beneath the barrier presented. _

_Ad she began to pant as he touched her bundle of nerves under, keeping his fingers on top of her underwear, she began to reach for the waistband of his boxers. _

_Fitz stopped what he was looking and looked up her _

"_Liv" he said skeptically. He didn't want her to do something she wasn't ready to do _

_Instead of answering she just shook her head yes._

_This was it. They were finally going to become one, mind, body, and soul. She was happy she waited. It made her feel good to know that he loved her enough to not only wait until she was ready but even now, he was checking to make sure she really wanted to do this. Gosh. She loved this man. _

_Fitz began to slowly pull his boxers down and then doing the same with her panties. While stealing glances at her face to make sure she hadn't changed her mind and that she was okay._

_He crawled back up to look her in the eyes as he positioned himself to enter her. He began to enter her slowly, inch by inch, giving her body time to adjust to their new sensation. He looked up at her, staring into her eyes. _

_She knew we was being gentle and she loved him even more for that. Seeing that he stopped as he met her resistance, she looked into his eyes_

"_Fitz" She said, her voice full of emotion. She shook her head up and down signaling that she was ready_

_Fitz slowly began to push on her resistance, making sure that she was okay. He looked at her face as he felt himself brake through. He saw her wince in pain and immediately stopped. _

_She opened her eyes to see him staring at her. _

"_I'm okay" she whispered_

"_You sure" he answered in the same hushed tone_

"_yes" she said as she wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his waist_

"_Make love to me baby" Olivia whispered ad she leaned up to kiss him_

_That night they made love into the early morning. It was 3am when she woke up, she kissed him on the side of his jaw and continued to pepper kisses on his face until she got to his lips. He opened his eyes to see her on top of him while her face hovering over his. _

"_Merry Christmas Baby" she whispered_


	9. I Miss You

**A/N sorry this took so long but I got my mojo back lol everything will be updated twice since I'm going back to school this weekend!**

**_I miss you like everyday_****  
****_Wanna be with you, but you're away_****  
****_I said I miss you, missing you insane_****  
**_**-Beyoncé 'I Miss You'**_

It was time to leave for break and Fitz still hadn't spoken to Olivia about his holiday arraignments. She knew they were taking the plane back home together but she didn't know what was going to happen once they stepped off the plane in had just arrived at the airport and she was on the verge of tears.

Fitz walked next to Olivia after checking them in and getting their boarding passes. He still didn't know if he wanted to spend Christmas with Olivia and her family. He was trying really hard to deal with this whole separation that was going to occur a lot faster than either of them wanted to believe.

He walked up next to her and saw her staring out of the window with her headphones in her ears.

"Livvie"  
She removed one of her head phones so she could hear what he was saying..

"Huh?"

" Do you want a snack for the plane? I'm going to grab a water and some gum for me ears. It's going to be along ride." He said

"Uhhhh... I'll take a water and a bag of popcorn" she said

"Okay I'll be right back. Don't move" Fitz said with a smirk on his face

He will never forget the first time they flew back home from school and he left Olivia at the gate and when he turned back around she was gone. Her cell has died and he had know idea where you had gone. Apparently she went to the bathroom. But he didn't find that out until after he had already told security that he couldn't find his girlfriend and the plane had already taken off. Needless to say they were late getting home.

As Fit walked away Olivja looked out of the window and thought about everything that has been going on. She had been having her own private sessions with the therapist and one of the main things they had been focusing on was her guilt about going to a different school. The therapist let her know that while her feelings are normal she shouldn't feel guilty. They also spoke about how she should handle Fitz. Dr Smith told her that she has to allow Fitz to process and accept the change that will be happening. Some people do not do well with change she said and Fitz was not one of them.

Fitz returned shortly and they boarded the plane. As always they sat in first class with Olivia sitting next to the window. She was afraid of heights. But as long as she could see what was happening she was usually okay. When the plane began to take off, Olivia closed her eyes. This was always the worst part to her. Lately since Fitz had been so distant, she didn't expect him to comfort her as he usually did.

Fitz knew Olivia was afraid of take off whenever they were on a plane which is why, although he's still angry with her, he wrapped his arm around her pulling her over to him so that her face was buried in the crook of his neck and kissed her forehead whispering that everything was okay.

After takeoff Olivia felt a little relieved. Maybe Fitz was coming around. They stayed in that embrace until Olivia fell asleep as she then put the arm rest up and put her head on his lap while her sat back and listened to music. He could never sleep on the plane. Because he knew she was afraid, he make sure he stayed awake so that she felt safe.

After an 4hr plane ride, they landed back home. Fitz woke up Olivia to place her seatbelt back on as the plane landed and then they boarded off. Typically one or both of their parents would pick them up or they would take a cab to Olivia's parents. While rising in the sky Fitz found a sense of clarity in which he took the time to decide to go through with his original plan for this vacation despite all that they have gone through because regardless of what they go through she was the love of his life and that was never going to change.

They got their bags and both walked toward the doors. Fitz called for 2 cabs which arrived shortly. This time around, he took a cab to his parents and paid for a cab to take Olivia to her home. After placing her things in the trunk and getting in the back of the cab, Olivia began to silently cry. She couldn't believe she was riding home without Fitz. Her heart was literally broken in two. She arrived at her parents house shortly and excited the car. She saw that her dad had also just pulled into the parking lot.

"Is that my LadyBug?" Her father said walking over to help her get her things out of the cab drivers trunk.

"Hi daddy, I missed you." Olivia said with a faux smile that didn't reach her eyes.

Father and daughter walked in the house to see Olivia's mother in the kitchen cooking dinner a and listening to music not paying one ounce of attention. Olivia walked into the kitchen while her mothers back was turned to the stove

"Hey babe! Can you grab me a stuck of butter while your in the fridge."

Olivia room out the butter and passed it to her mother

"Thanks Livy"

5 seconds passed by.

"LIVY!" Her mother yelled as she turned around.

Carolyn pulled Olivia into a hug and kissed her cheek. She and her father couldn't stop laughing at her mothers reaction it was priceless.

Olivia and her parents had a great dinner and since it was Christmas Eve they sat around and watched old Christmas movies. Her parents spoke about Columbia and gave her her acceptance packet. With all the thrill. Olivia pretty much forgot her problems with her relationship. Although her parents did as where Fitz was but she told them that they took separate cabs home. Knowing not to push the issue they both let it go.

Fitz got into his cab and he had the cab driver take him to a few different stores so he could pick up Christmas gifts and then to his home. His mother was so happy to see her baby boy. Apparently Big Jerry was still at work but he should be home shortly is what his mother told him. He and his mom spoke for a few minutes before she asked,

"So Fitz, how's my Olivia?"

Fitz began to talk to his mom about all that he been going on with them applying to different schools and going to therapy. She applauded him in his efforts to make sure his relationship didn't fall apart, but she also gave him some sound advice.

"Fitz, don't you think Olivia is going through a thousand emotions as well..."

"Yea but ma..." Fitz started but stopped as his mother put her hand up for him to stop

"And don't you think she needs support? She's probably a terrible wreck. I'm not saying your not suppose to feel one way or another. I'm just saying, try seeing things from her perspective."

" Now, are you plans still the same for the holiday or are we all no longer going to the popes for brunch tomorrow morning?"

"No nothing has changed,I didn't tell Olivia I wasn't coming anymore so,were going" Fitz said as he excused himself from the room.

Olivia wanted to call Fitz so bad. They had a tradition that they would speak on the Eve of every holiday if they were together so that they could bring in the holiday together. She also didn't know if he and his parents were still coming for brunch the next day and that scared her. She didn't want to ask him about it but she didn't want to be disappointed if he didn't show either.

It was 11:45 and still no phone cal. She say looking at her phone. She was tired but she was forcing herself to stay awake. She contemplated giving him a call but then she remember Dr. Smiths advice to give him some space. So she didn't call and when 12:00 o'clock hit she closed her eyes and let sleep take over.


	10. I Believe

_Is it better to love somebody and lose?_

_Than never to love somebody who_

_Doesn't feel like you do_

_Every tears, those ways come true_

_It's easy to find someone_

_A Mr. or Miss for right now_

_A promise you'll never leave_

_Someone you can't leave without_

_Baby I believe it's you_

_I don't care what other people say or do_

_It only matters what we have is true_

_And I believe it's you, oh baby I believe_

_Brian McKnight - I Believe Lyrics_

_Shit..._ He had gone upstairs to take a shower after his talk with his mom and he fell asleep. He didn't wake up until 12:30 and he knew automatically that he had really messed up. He looked at his phone to see if he had any missed calls and he didn't which kind of surprised him. He was expecting to at least have one or two missed calls or text from Liv, they always talk on Christmas Eve.

He went to use the rest room and then went to get back in the best, if he wanted brunch to go smoothly he needed to get his sleep so that he could be okay. He was so nervous. And he was desperate praying that they entire meal wasn't spent talking about their grad school plans.

It was 8:30 when he finally awoke the next morning. He took a shower went down stairs to greet his parents and open gifts. He then talked to his father about brunch and asked if he was going. He replied saying that he would be attending and how he's sorry he wasn't there when he got home last night. His father wasn't cold-hearted but sometimes just had a few misplaced priorities. But after a lengthy discussion they had when Fitz was in high school Big Jerry promised to work on putting his family first

She was awake at 7:30am to help her mother in cooking and preparing for the Grants, brunch began at 11:30 but she still had to get herself dressed and ready. Fitz hadn't called last night but she didn't want to ruin Christmas, shell just ask him later on. She was in the kitchen when her phone vibrated signaling a text.

**Fitz:** _Hey Babe. Happy Anniversary & Merry Christmas. Sorry I didn't call last night. Can't wait to see you this morning._

**Olivia: **Hi.

**Fitz: **_Livvie I'm sorry_

**Olivia: **Why didn't you call?

**Fitz**_**:**__ I was talking with my mom until late last night and I came in my room to take a shower and call you and I fell asleep. Come on Baby, Its Christmas. It's our day. Please don't be mad._

**Olivia:** I guess For the sake of this being our day I will table my anger at being ditched but I expect a nice long kiss when I see you Mr. Grant.

**Fitz**: _As always Mrs. Grant_

Olivia smiled as she placed her phone back on the counter.

"I see you and Fitz must've worked everything out" Her mother say eyeing her

"Uh... Yea I guess you could say that" Olivia said not really wanting to get into a back mood by talking about the latest drama in her relationship

It was 11:15 when she heard the doorbell ring and her mother greet Fitz and his family. She was upstairs getting dressed and she had just put the final touches on his makeup. She walked down the steps and was greeted by Fitz mother Cassie (Cassandra) and his father Big Jerry.

"Good morning, Merry Christmas" Olivia said as she gave them both a hug as well as a small gift that she picked up for them

She saw Fitz waiting patiently behind his parents for his hug and kiss. As soon as the parents were out of ear shot. Their mothers going to the kitchen and their fathers going to his den to catch the score of the latest game.

"Happy Anniversary Baby & Merry Christmas" Olivia whispered as she leaned in to claim his lips. The kiss got heavy fast before they broke apart for air staring into each other's eyes.

"Mmmmhh... Hi baby" Fitz said with his arm wrapped securely around her waist as they walked out to the sun room to relax before having to return to the dining area for brunch.

"Baby. Are you mad at me?" Olivia asked. She had been fighting herself to ask him this question for a while but after riding home by herself yesterday she figured they needed to talk about this ASAP

"No... Livvie I'm not. I know you think I haven't been listening to Dr. Smith or you but I have been and I'm not mad at you. I could never be mad at you for wanting to do what makes you happy. That's what I want, to see you happy. I was just upset because I want to be a part of your happy every day. But after talking to my mom last night I realized that I still can be a part of your happy even if we are miles away from each other."

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry baby. I'm sorry that it took me this long to be happy for you and your accomplishment."

Fitz looking up Olivia to see tears streaming down her face.

"Sssshhh, don't cry. Don't cry baby you know I can't take it when you cry" Fitz said wiping her tears

Olivia gave him a faint smile and said, "Thank you. Thank you for understanding and for finally looking at things from my perspective. I love you so much and I promise it won't be as bad as it seems and I'm sorry for not telling you that I wanted to do this until you saw it that day on the computer." Olivia said sobbing.

They sat there for a while until they heard her mother call them in. They were sitting around eating and having a great time when Fitz ask everyone to follow him into the living area so he could give his present to Olivia.

She was so confused. She thought they were exchanging gifts later on when they went out, not in front of their parents. Her gift was actually something she wanted them to see. She ran upstairs to grab it but she figured she just wouldn't show it until their parents left out of the room again. As she was in her room she heard a song in the background that did not sound a lot like the Christmas music that had been playing all day long.

_A hundred and five is the number that comes to my head_

_When I think of all the years I wanna be with you_

_Wake up every morning with you in my bed_

_That's precisely what I plan to do_

She ran to the top of the steps with her gift in hand. She didn't want to miss anyone opening their gifts she wanted to see the looks on her parents face. As she got to the top of the steps she saw Fitz standing there talking to her dad and the conversation seemed to be important.

_How many girls in the world can make me feel like this?_

_Baby I don't ever plan to find out_

_The more I look, the more I find the reasons why_

_You're the love of my life_

She started walking down the steps and her father must've told his she was coming because he turned around and with the music still playing

_And if I lost everything_

_In my heart it means nothing_

_'Cause I have you,_

_Girl, I have you_

_To get right down on bended knee_

_Nothing else would ever be better, better_

_That day when..._

They locked eyes as she continued to walk down the steps as the music played

_I'll say, "Will you marry me?"_

_I swear that I will mean it_

_I'll say, "Will you marry me?"_

She was stuck. Stunned at the second to last step as she saw him get down on one knee and the music continued to sing their eyes still locked to each other.

_I'll say, "Will you marry me?"_

_I swear that I will mean it_

_I'll say, "Will you marry me?"_

_I'll say, "Will you marry me?"_

_(I'll get down on one knee)_

_I swear that I will mean it_

_I'll say, "Will you marry me?"_

He was proposing. He was asking her to marry him. She was stuck. She thought he was upset with her. She thought he was going to try and be with her when she went to school but he wasn't going to put in the effort as he hoped. But he was proposing.

She had been standing there for 10 minutes. Both of their mothers in the corner crying while their fathers stood off to the side waiting for her to answer him.

Fitz was scared shitless. He didn't know what she was going to say but he had been planning this since last summer when he asked her father's permission. And even with all of the drama lately he knew he didn't want to be with anyone but her.

She finally snapped out of it and remembered where she was. She hadn't even realized that she had tears streaming down her face and the music had stopped and she was pretty sure Fitz knee was killing him. She looked at him keeping her eyes on his own and shook her head up and down.

"Yes" she whispered. He she wasn't as close as she was he wouldn't have heard it

"Yes" she said speaking up.

He got u and put the ring on her finger as she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed her cheek.

He whispered in her ear. "Happy anniversary baby and Merry Christmas"

Not even five seconds after she let go of him her mother and father ran to her to give her a hug and see her ring

"Congratulations Ladybug" her father said with his own tears coming down his face

"Thanks Daddy"


End file.
